


The German National Team on Facebook

by youllneverwalcologne



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Grandpa Miro being groovy, Götzeus, Humor, Hömmels, M/M, Schweinski, but FUN :D, it's ridiculous really, like a lot, müller talks a lot, the boys being silly on facebook, there is cute couples as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2038971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youllneverwalcologne/pseuds/youllneverwalcologne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Basti and Lukas never stop posting Selfies, Mesut is the King of CandyCrush, Manuel has an obsessive relationship with Nutella, Thomas is ALWAYS online and Jogi posts inspirational quotes...<br/>or:<br/>what happens when the entire German NT is on Facebook, preparing for the World Cup 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The German National Team on Facebook

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Real Madrid On Facebook](https://archiveofourown.org/works/861959) by [griners](https://archiveofourown.org/users/griners/pseuds/griners). 



> This was written after the Celebrations in Berlin - you can't blame us for getting this idea when the WELTMEISTERs themselves never stop posting and tweeting ;) Enjoy!

**The German National Team on Facebook**

 

 

Jogi Löw _updated his status_ :

Welcome everybody! I am looking forward to the time we will spend witch each other and hope that we can start into a successful tournament!

_26 people liked this_

Thomas Müller: Looking forward to spend the next 7 hours with all of you guys on this bus... with only one toilet. #funtimes

 

_Lukas Podolski has uploaded a photo_

Lukas Podolski: On our way to South Tirol! #poldi #aha #schweinsteiger

_Bastian Schweinsteiger and Erik Durm liked this photo_

Thomas Müller: Another picture of Lukas and @Basti, what a surprise. I could wallpaper my room with just the ones you posted this month!

Erik Durm: Aww, I love your friendship!

Jerome Boateng: ???

Erik Durm: What? I want a best friend like this!

Poldi: hehe xD

_Bastian Schweinsteiger liked this_

Per Mertesacker _liked_ Zumba for Beginners _in_ South Tirol

Miroslav Klose: Lol.

Ron-Robert Zieler: Can I join? #Myhipsdontlie

Per Mertesacker: Yes!!!!! We could try to convince @Jogi to make it a team exercise!

Jogi Löw: What.

Mesut Özil: @Jogi first Yoga and now this??? I only just got the hang of the tree pose, PLEASE don’t make me dance.

_Matze Ginter, Roman Weidenfeller and 8 others liked this_

Lukas Podolski: Eyyyyy, why don’t we learn some Samba @Bastian? 

_Bastian Schweinsteiger and Erik Durm liked this_

Thomas Müller: @Per Mertesacker I need video footage of you dancing in leggings. I will play it bigscreen on Halloween. @Miroslav Klose do you even know what Lol means?

Miroslav Klose: I came out to have a good time but I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

 

_Mario Götze posted something on Marco Reus’ wall:_

Every new day is a new chance to change your life. #Believe

_Matze Ginter and Christoph Kramer liked this_

Marco Reus: Aww. <3

Marco Reus: Wait. What do you want to tell me with this?

Mario Götze: I don’t know, it just sounded so inspirational.

_Marco Reus liked this_

Thomas Müller: I suggest @Marco changes the way he sings under the shower. That would change the lives of the whole team.

Mario Götze: Says the guy who sings Bavarian folk music as a “motivation”.

Marco Reus: It only motivates me to leave the room as quickly as possible.

_Mario Götze liked this_

Mario Götze: Buuuuuuurnn.

Thomas Müller: Well, if I’m the reason @Marco runs so fast, you should all bow down to me.

 

Manuel Neuer _: is feeling aggravated._

No Nutella this morning. #howamisupposedtostartthedaynow?

Philipp Lahm: I sometimes feel like this is the only reason you came to the national team.

Manuel Neuer: Wait? Isn’t that everyone’s reason? #imissmychocolateygoodness

Thomas Müller: I joined because of the free pair of slippers you get #slippersforlife

_Philipp Lahm has logged off_

Benni Höwedes _liked_ Couple Cooking with Taste _with_ @Mats Hummels

Mats Hummels: Great evening! We need to try those pasties at home @Benni. <3

Benni Höwedes: They weren’t as sweet as you are. Xxxxx

_Mats Hummels liked this_

Thomas Müller: Logging off to puke.

_54 people liked this_

_Thomas Müller logged off_

Bastian Schweinsteiger: FINALLY he’s gone. When is he not on Facebook?

Thomas Müller: Hey!! I saw that.

Mesut Özil: ???????

Benni Höwedes: This was supposed to be about Mats and me. Mats makes the best Crème Brûlée.

Thomas Müller: Actually, I think I’m logging off again.

_Thomas Müller, Benni Höwedes and Mats Hummels logged off_

 

Bastian Schweinsteiger: Still on our way to South Tirol with this guy! @Lukas Podolski

Sami Khedira: We KNOW. We are all on the same bus.

Miroslav Klose: Srsly stfu.

_35 people liked this_

Manuel Neuer: Found a nutella to go! #reunitedwithmylove

Thomas Müller: Weirdo.

Bastian Schweinsteiger: Guess who’s back...

 

_Toni Kroos updated his status:_

Awh shit I just realized I left my favourite earphones at home...

Mama Kroos: Oh Tonischmoops, don’t worry, I’m already on my way :)

_34 people liked this_

Toni Kroos: OMG MUM YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME EVERYONE CAN READ THIS

Toni Kroos: How many times do I have to explain “Private Messaging” to you????

Thomas Müller: Ohhh, you are in so much trouble, Tonischmoops.

_Toni Kroos has logged off_

 

 

Kevin Großkreutz _liked_ Südtirol Döner

Kevin Großkreutz: EVERYONE SHUT UP BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING THEY’VE GOT THE BEST GARLIC SAUCE EVER.

_Jule Draxler liked this_

Thomas Müller: The one in North Tirol is better, though.

 

Shkodran Mustafi _listened to_ Barbie Girl _by_ Aqua _on_ Spotify.

Matze Ginter: OMG that’s like my favourite song ever.

Thomas Müller: Sarcasm...?

Matze Ginter: Yes... ?

Philipp Lahm: This is even worse than @Per Mertesacker’s workout playlist. I hate the eighties.  And I also hate Aqua. I hate all of your music tastes. Why doesn’t anyone listen to good stuff like Bach?

Thomas Müller: I think @Miro does. He must have met him sometime.

Miroslav Klose: so not roflcopter rite now.

Shkodran Mustafi: OMG, that wasn’t me, @ Jule Draxler “borrowed” my phone!

Matze Ginter: ...

 

Jogi Löw _updated his status_ :

Who stole my hairspray? It’s really urgent. #myhairgetscurlyintherain

_23 people liked this_

Jogi Löw: So?

Jogi Löw: Anyone?

Jogi Löw: Come on, guys. It’s an emergency.

Jogi Löw: Please.

Jogi Löw: I’m waiting...

Jogi Löw: Really urgent!

Jogi Löw: No one commenting on this, not even you, @Thomas Müller? You disappoint me.

Thomas Müller: Oh, you mean you actually didn’t know it was @Lukas Podolski?

Lukas Podolski: Traitor.

Jogi Löw: I am sending @Hansi over to fetch it. Not funny @Podolski and @Schweinsteiger.

Bastian Schweinsteiger: ... Hey. Müller didn’t even say it was me!

Jogi Löw: I knew it.

 

Mats Hummels _is watching_ Casablanca _on_ Netflix

Thomas Müller: How classy.

Benni Höwedes: Shut up, Thomas. Don’t you ever go enjoy the world outside of Facebook?

Thomas Müller: Oh, I’ve got Snapchat as well.

Miroslav Klose: Add me at @ThatwassoKlose on Snapchat!

Mats Hummels: Why are you commenting on our posts again? #goandgetalife

Benni Höwedes: Honey can you pass me the waterbottle?

Sami Khedira: HE’S SITTING NEXT TO YOU

Mats Hummels: Of course I can, sugar.

Sami Khedira: I hate both of you. I am almost missing the Schweinski posts.

 

Lukas Podolski _updated his status_ :

Throwing things at @Sami Khedira with my man @Bastian Schweinsteiger #poldi #aha #lol

Sami Khedira: I should not have said that.

Thomas Müller: How long do we still have to drive?

Jule Draxler: Ikr? I need the toilet.

 

Manuel Neuer _updated his status_ :

Day #1 without my beloved Nutella. The “Nutella to go” has been finished hours ago and I am already suffering from withdrawal.

Thomas Müller: No one ever comments on your posts, Manu. Why don’t you ever write about something besides Nutella???

Manuel Neuer: Because there is no point. And anyway, YOU commented on it.

Sami Khedira: Because he alwAYS COMMENTS ON EVERYTHING!

Miroslav Klose: Jeez, chillax Samiboy.

Sami Khedira:           

Sami Khedira: I will never talk to you again.

Manuel Neuer: This was a serious post about Nutella!

Benni Höwedes: They always ruin everybody’s posts. Need a cuddle?

Manuel Neuer: Not if Mats is there. #scared

Mats Hummels: Hands off.

Benni Höwedes: He’s the jealous type.

Thomas Müller: In case you guys in the back don’t notice, I am actually puking. AGAIN.

Benni Höwedes: SEE?

 

Jogi Löw _updated his status_ :

First break. Everyone use the toilet so our bus toilet won’t get blocked (again!)

Hansi Flick _and 17 others liked this_

Thomas Müller: Aye aye Capt’n!

 

Jogi Löw _posted something on_ Mario Götze’s _wall_ :

Hey, I saw you buying those snacks: Kinder surprise eggs, Crisps, Lachgummi etc. I want to remind all of you to keep your healthy diets in mind #carbsarenotcool

Mario Götze: Hey, half of it was @Marco’s!

Kevin Großkreutz: Pummelfee :*

_Mats, Erik and 6 others liked this_

Thomas Müller: Anyways, Lachgummi has a lot of vitamins!

 

Mesut Özil _reached_ Level 234  _on_ CandyCrush.

_Sami Khedira and Shkodran Mustafi liked this_

Thomas Müller: Cheater!

Mesut Özil: Haha, just because you’re still stuck on level 17!! #loser

 

Philipp Lahm _updated his status_ :

If anybody EVER sends me invitations to CandyCrush again I will personally make sure that they won’t play the next match. Everybody is replaceable, even you @MESUT !!!

_Hansi Flick liked this_

Thomas Müller _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

Philipp Lahm: THOMAS!!!

Jogi Löw: Don’t abuse your power, Philipp!

_Thomas Müller liked this_

Manuel Neuer, Per Mertesacker _and_ Bastian Schweinsteiger _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

_Thomas Müller liked this_

 

Bastian Schweinsteiger _updated his status_ :

Sneakily sharing a bag of Crisps with @Lukas. Jogi doesn’t suspect a thing! Lol 

_Lukas Podolski, Mario Götze and Erik Durm liked this_

Sami Khedira: ...

Sami Khedira: Are you literally not aware that we can all see your posts???!!!

 

Mesut Özil _and_ Matze Ginter _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

Jerome Boateng _updated his status_ :

Just woke up and started reading my newspaper when I found this thrilling bit of information:

> "André Schürrle, the successful Chelsea striker, has recently revealed that his favourite ice cream flavour is nothing flashy like you would expect from such an extraordinarily talented star, but indeed he rather prefers a simple variety. ‘I often just go for Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry’ the young hotshot confesses. ‘I’m boring like that, haha.’”                

Is that really so??

_51 people liked this_

Miroslav Klose: Lmfao

Toni Kroos: Hahah :DD

André Schürrle: Fuck off, Tonischmoops!  Told this to a reporter from a children’s magazine.

Roman Weidenfeller: Which magazine are you reading? Can I borrow it?

Jerome Boateng: Sports Weekly, but @Thomas already asked, but you’ll get it afterwards!

Jule Draxler: After you it’s me please!

 

Erik Durm, Benni Höwedes _and_ Mats Hummels _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

Manuel Neuer _updated his status_ :

Bought a whole jar of Nutella at the bus stop. Should be enough for the next three days #satisfiedagain!

Jogi Löw: I’m not even gonna say anything.

Thomas Müller: You wouldn’t dare to take it away from him anyway, I once tried and nearly lost a limb over it. He turns from Teddy Bear to Aggressive Grizzly in under ten seconds...

Mats Hummels: You would know ...

Thomas Müller _has logged off_

 

Erik Durm _uploaded a photo_ :

These two fell asleep in front of me. #isthatpoldisdroolonbastisjumper? @Lukas Podolski and @Bastian Schweinsteiger

Erik Durm: Why isn’t anyone liking this? It’s so cute!

Jerome Boateng: Ewww, the drool! #disgusting

Thomas Müller: Are you sure you want a “friendship” like this, Erik?

 

Shkodran Mustafi _and_ Toni Kroos _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

Benni Höwedes _updated his status_ :

Just won against @Mats Hummels in chess three times in a row! Starting to suspect he lets me win on purpose...

_Mats Hummels liked this_

Mats Hummels: Maybe you are just brilliant at chess.

Thomas Müller: Or maybe you two are just annoying.

Benni Höwedes: ...aaaand another post ruined.

 

Miroslav Klose _and_ Jerome Boateng _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

_Jogi Löw updated his status:_

We will be having double rooms in our training camp, so please organise yourselves in pairs and tell me your room wishes. And no, no one can share with me.

Hansi Flick: :( ... okay.

Jogi Löw: ...

Jogi Löw: I meant the players.

_Hansi Flick liked this_

Bastian Schweinsteiger: Dibs on @Lukas Podolski! #backoffper

_Lukas Podolski liked this_

Thomas Müller: What a surprise...

Erik Durm: *sigh*

Per Mertesacker: I wouldn’t even dare to ask... what about me and my Zumba-bro @Ron-Robert?

_Ron-Robert Zieler liked this_

Ron-Robert Zieler: Yes! Let’s start our day with a Yoga routine, you seem to be the only enthusiast besides me!

Manuel Neuer: @Thomas, let’s start our day with Nutella!

Manuel Neuer: ...we’re sharing, right?

Toni Kroos: What about me @Thomas? We didn’t share in ages :’(

André Schürrle: Well, @Mario and @Marco are obviously sharing, so maybe... @Toni?

_Toni Kroos liked this_

Toni Kroos: I guess that’s alright as well... ;)

 

Lukas Podolski, Sami Khedira _and_ André Schürrle _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

Miroslav Klose _updated his status_ : swag room w/ @Erik #bros4lyfe

_Erik Durm liked this_

Erik Durm: Omg, that’s going to be amazing!! #bros4lyfe

Thomas Müller: @Erik, don’t stay up too late, though, Grandpa needs his sleep.

Miroslav Klose: haterz gonna hate

 

Sami Khedira _posted something on_ Mesut Özil’s _wall_ :

Sami Khedira: Roommates?

Mesut Özil: Roommates.

 

Jule Draxler _posted something on_ Benni Höwedes’ _wall_ :

Benni...?

Mats Hummels: No.

Benni Höwedes: Sorry, @Jule. :/

Thomas Müller: Oooh, and another person was just added to @Matsi's blacklist

Shkodran Mustafi: Hey, @Jule, wanna bunk?

Jule Draxler: Yup :)

 

Christoph Kramer _and_ Ron-Robert Zieler _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

_Kevin Großkreutz updated his status:_

...Well this leaves me and @Roman.

Roman Weidenfeller: ... but I don’t like the smell of Döner ;)

_57 people liked this_

 

Christoph Kramer _posted something on_ Matze Ginter’s _wall_ :

Hey, wanna share? I even brought the entire Star Wars saga on DVD.

_Matze Ginter liked this_

Thomas Müller: Nice! Can we borrow it? Me and @Manuel want to make a video evening...

_Manuel Neuer liked this_

Manuel Neuer: So we are sharing? Nice #excited

Matze Ginter: I guess no one’s staying... Solo. ;)

_Jogi Löw liked this_

Jogi Löw: I understood that reference.

 

Kevin Großkreutz, Marco Reus _and_ Mario Götze _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

Philipp Lahm _posted on_ Jogi Löw’s _wall_ :

That makes:

Schweinsteiger Podolski

Neuer Müller

Kroos Schürrle

Weidenfeller Großkreutz

Ginter Kramer

Höwedes Hummels

Draxler Mustafi

Reus Götze

Mertesacker Zieler

Durm Klose

Khedira Özil

And me and @Jerome.

That’s it :)

Hansi Flick: Excellent job as always, Philipp!

 

Jogi Löw: We are arriving at the camp in approximately twenty minutes, please make sure you don’t leave any luggage in the bus, check for litter and sort out your seats!

Thomas Müller: This sounds like an airplane instruction.

Hansi Flick: Thanks for that useful comment, @Thomas.

_Sami Khedira liked this_

Sami Khedira: I’m not alone! @Hansi

 

Manuel Neuer _updated his status_ :

Gonna have an amazing time with my roomie @Thomas! xD

_Thomas Müller and Erik Durm liked this_

Thomas Müller: We are the coolest room ever #backoffper

Per Mertesacker: ...hey, what do I have to do with this?

Thomas Müller: Don’t know. I like the hashtag. Let’s make it a trend! #backoffper

Bastian Schweinsteiger: Yeah, #backoffper!

Thomas Müller: The jealousy is strong with this one @Basti. #starwarsquotesrule

_Matze Ginter  and Jogi Löw liked this_

 

Jule Draxler _sent an invitation to_ CandyCrush _to_ Philipp Lahm

 

Jogi Löw _arrived in_ South Tirol

Jogi Löw _updated his status_ :

Finally arrived! Let’s start our amazing time together with this beautiful quote:

> “Much to learn, you still have.” – Yoda

_52 people liked this_

Thomas Müller: Errghhhhhh Uwrwrrrrr ARGHHHHHhhh

Mesut Özil: What the hell is that, @Thomas? Did you slip on your keyboard?

Thomas Müller: Don’t you recognize this inspirational quote by Chewbacca?

_Matze Ginter, Mario Götze and Marco Reus liked this_

Sami Khedira: I want a ticket back home.

 

Roman Weidenfeller _sent an invitation to_ Farmville _to_ Philipp Lahm

Thomas Müller: You had one job, @Roman.

Mesut Özil: Anyway, Farmville is so 2012.

 

Thomas Müller _updated his status_ :

This is going to be great! Hey, did I ever tell that story of how-

Sami Khedira: oMG seriously shut up!

Thomas Müller: ...pfff. #backoffper

Jogi Löw: *facepalm*

**Author's Note:**

> We hope you enjoyed this! Anyways, we had lots of fun writing this... ;)
> 
> We hope griners, who wrote "Real Madrid on Facebook" where we got the inspiration for this story, doesn't mind us borrowing her idea (it's brilliant :P)
> 
> Also, if you want to check our blogs out:   
> I am youllneverwalcologne on tumblr and my sister is the-world-only-began-today ;)
> 
> Anything left to say?   
> ...   
> #backoffper


End file.
